This is going to be quite the experiment for me and I don't know if this is going to turn into something I am going to start, forget about, and end up forgetting like I usually end up doing with these type of things, or if I am actually going to follow though and turn this in to something, anything.
I have, for the past few days, been both starting to write more, and also have discovered old writings of mine hidden away in moving boxes in my garage and old files on my laptop. I felt it would be nice to digitize and chronicle these writings somehow and so here I am, starting a blog. This blog is going to be one part professional, and one part personal. Assuming I ever get to a point where I need a professional blog it will be here waiting for me. For now, the professional portion will consist of my random drawings/doodles and some photography (basically anything you will come to see on my website/portfolio: asteriskzero.com). The personal side is going to be that of a journal of sorts, things going on in my life that I need to get out of my head before I end up going insane and possibly short stories/poems (basically nonsensical gibberish). As the title of my blog suggests, there is going to be some(read: a lot of) grammar and spelling mistakes, my thought process tends to move quicker than my fingers, so please bare with me. Hopefully if I keep at this, in time I will get used to writing more and more and things might sync up better in the future. As for now, I apologize if that sort things bothers you.
So, to get this started, I will tell you a little about myself. I was born on Halloween in the year 1984. So that makes me 30 and a half years old at the time of this writing and I can honestly say that I have never imagined myself making it to this age, let alone any older. As a matter of fact, there was one time many years ago that I even felt I shouldn't have made it as far as I did, owing to all the stupid stuff I did when I was younger. But I'm sure I'm not alone in having this thought before. Even now as I am typing this, I cannot imagine who I will be when I turn 40, 50... 90? The thought doesn't scare me, more like it bewilders me. I am 30, single, with two sisters that both have two beautiful children each. This doesn't include the step siblings and their children either. Or the cousins that are so close to be considered brothers and sisters to me. Most days this fact makes me feel like I have been left far behind. I know my day will eventually come when I will hold in my arms that squishy crying face of my own for the first time, but right now it only depresses me to try and imagine the who, where, and when, so I am going to change the subject now so I don't have to think about it.
There are a lot of things in life that I enjoy, in fact, on the whole, I thoroughly enjoy all of what life has to offer. Don't get me wrong, my life definitely has its ups and downs, but I usually tend to have a happy-go-lucky/the-glass-is-half-full outlook on life, always have. I both enjoy the chaos of rain and thunderstorms, but yet I also enjoy the eternal calm of a sunny day at the same time. I consider myself to be adaptable, I always try to understand all sides of an issue before taking any action. While this makes me less likely to make mistakes, it also makes me more likely to miss out on great opportunities. It's like they say, you learn the most by making mistakes. This is an internal battle that I struggle with on a daily basis, It's hard for me to turn off that voice of apprehension chattering away inside my head.
When it came to my school career, I was average at best in elementary school and was a rather poor high school student. While I didn't count myself among the bad crowd, I really wasn't part of the popular crowd either. I really don't consider being a part of any group type. I mostly kept to myself, sticking with my close friends. Everyday I went from class to class, struggled to focus on the subject of the day, went home, played video games or watched some anime, maybe talk to my friends, then went to bed. Than repeating the sequence the following day. Scatter quite a few doodles, many day dreams, and a couple friends in there and you pretty much have my teenage life in a nutshell. While I ran track, and played tennis for a couple years, senior year was where it stared to change fore me. I broke out of my shell, if only a little bit and decided to try to participate more. That was the year I tried out for both the winter one acts (a series of short single act plays), and the spring musical (Les Misérables). I got parts in both, which elevated my high school experience to a whole new level for me.
Even though it was only community college, I tried the whole higher education thing out for a couple semesters only to find it quite uninspiring. I felt like I was only going because it was expected of me. If I was going to spend money and time to further my education, it was going to be in my time and on my terms. I had a couple jobs during high school, but now that I had graduated, and not going to school I really needed to do something. My friend got me a part time job at a warehouse, and for 10 and a half years I worked at this warehouse, moving up to a full time position a couple years in. The job was dull on its best day but it was at least a paycheck. In all that time, I had come to know and respect my supervisor there. He taught me a lot, and almost became a grandfather figure to me. He came out of retirement to help out this companies woeful excuse for warehousing. He loved fishing, cars, and anything mechanical. He was a very interesting man that had so many stories to tell. He lost his life battling cancer. His was the second most devastating death in my life after my own Grandmother's Jeanette only a couple years before his. He supported me when I told him that I wanted to back to school full time but also staying on to continue working with him. I never got to fishing with him nor even thank him for just being who he was, so here now I wish to thank you Dennis, for the small amount of time I got to spend with and get to know you.
I honestly did not start writing this entry thinking I was going to write this much, I hope that I can continue, even at a fraction of this rate, because in the end it was rather therapeutic. I am not going to bore you with anymore of my personal history tonight. If you have ended up reading this, I thank you. If I have bored you, I apologize. If you have caught any grammatical or spelling errors, I again apologize. I have read over this post to make sure it is okay, but it is getting a little late and I am bound to have missed things. I will make sure to reread it tomorrow when I have had some rest and I'll be sure to make some edits to it later.
Again I Thank you if you have made it this far.
Good night.
Josh
